Ashok Sharma
ashoksharma23may@gmail.com
Gone are the days when life moved at a slow but disciplined pace and hardship was an inseparable part of growing up. In earlier times, parents worked relentlessly in the fields, forests and other spheres of life and children were naturally drawn into the rhythm of work and responsibility. Childhood was not devoid of joy but it was firmly rooted in duty, cooperation and practical learning. From a very young age, children were taught to shoulder small household chores, which gradually prepared them for the larger responsibilities of life.
In traditional families, especially in rural areas, elder children were expected to look after their younger siblings. They fed them, dressed them, combed their hair, tied the laces of their shoes and kept an eye on them while parents were busy with work. These activities were not seen as burdens but as part of growing up. At an early age, children fetched water from springs or wells, brought fuel wood from nearby forests, kneaded flour, cooked simple meals and grazed cattle or served them fodder. Such tasks instilled in them a sense of usefulness and self-worth.
Boys usually accompanied their fathers to the fields, where they learned tilling, sowing, weeding and harvesting. They became familiar with the cycles of nature and the value of hard work. Girls, on the other hand, were trained in sewing clothes, knitting sweaters, making mats from palm leaves or straw and managing household affairs. These skills were not imposed with cruelty but passed on as life skills essential for survival and dignity. Education was important even then; children attended school regularly and, in addition, went to water mills/ flour mills to get wheat or maize ground.They were also encouraged to for keen participation in community Programmes such as Bhadaras etc.By the time a child reached the age of fifteen, he or she had learned how to manage life with confidence and resilience.
Life in those days was undoubtedly hard but it had its own rewards. Children grew up learning teamwork, camaraderie, patience, social skills and the ability to face failure. They understood that comfort came after effort and that every member of the family had a role to play. Respect for elders was deeply ingrained. When elders returned home tired after a day’s work, children would rush to offer them water, help them wash and serve food. Such simple gestures reflected a strong value system based on gratitude and empathy.
However, with the passage of time, social and economic conditions began to change. Family planning was widely adopted and the number of children in most families was limited to two, or even just one. With fewer children and improved economic conditions, parents began to shower their children with excessive care and comfort. The intention behind this change was noble: parents wanted their children to focus on education and succeed in an increasingly competitive world. Unfortunately, this well-meaning attitude gradually gave rise to a culture of pampering.
Today, in many households, parents do almost all the work while children remain passive recipients of comfort. Tasks such as polishing shoes, dressing children, serving them food and even carrying their school bags in early age are performed by parents. Children are shielded from any form of hardship. While this approach may help them devote more time to studies, it also deprives them of essential life experiences. They are rarely exposed to challenges that test their patience, endurance and problem-solving abilities.
As a result, many children grow up lacking basic life skills. It is not uncommon to find adolescents who cannot heat their own food, stitch a button, tie their shoelaces properly or iron their clothes. Even in rural areas, where farming was once a natural part of childhood, children now shy away from activities such as tilling land, weeding or harvesting. These tasks are considered outdated or burdensome and parents are expected to do all the work themselves.
Another disturbing change is the erosion of social etiquette and family values. In the past, offering water or food to elders was considered a natural duty of children. Today, such gestures are becoming rare. Children often remain absorbed in their own world, unaware of the needs of others. The widespread use of mobile phones has further worsened the situation. It is a common sight to see a daughter lying comfortably on the bed, browsing her mobile phone while her mother washes clothes or struggles with household chores. Technology, instead of being used as a tool for learning, often becomes a means of isolation and indifference.
The excessive pampering of children has serious long-term consequences. Children who are not taught to face difficulties may grow up with unrealistic expectations from life. When they encounter failure, rejection or hardship, they often feel helpless and frustrated. The absence of discipline and responsibility can lead to a lack of confidence and independence. Moreover, such children may develop a sense of entitlement, expecting others to serve them without contributing in return.
This does not mean that children should be burdened with excessive work or denied the comforts of modern life. Education and personal growth must remain priorities, especially in today’s competitive environment. However, comfort should not come at the cost of character-building. It is essential to strike a balance between providing opportunities and instilling responsibility.
Children must be gradually trained in normal daily activities appropriate to their age. Simple tasks such as cleaning their plates after meals, sweeping rooms, ironing clothes, polishing shoes, stitching buttons, tying laces,washing socks & undergarments,managing their rooms and preparing tea or simple food items can go a long way in building self-reliance. These activities not only teach practical skills but also foster discipline and respect for labour. When children participate in household work, they learn that no task is inferior and that dignity lies in effort.
Equally important is the teaching of values such as respect for elders, empathy and cooperation. Helping parents in household or agricultural work should be seen not as exploitation but as participation in family life. Such involvement strengthens emotional bonds and preserves cultural traditions that emphasize mutual support and respect.
In conclusion, the problem of pampered children is a reflection of changing times and parental anxieties. While parents rightly want the best for their children, overprotection can do more harm than good. True upbringing lies in preparing children not only for exams and careers but also for life itself. By combining education with responsibility, comfort with discipline and freedom with values, we can raise a generation that is confident, capable and rooted in its cultural ethos. Only then can children learn to face the challenges of life with courage and grace, just as earlier generations did under far more difficult circumstances.
(The writer is a retired Senior Lecturer from SED,Govt.of J& K)
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