Adhiraj Verma
anjalisanjay04@gmail.com
The Habit of Living in Denial
We live in denial – as parents, as partners, as individuals. But how long can we keep lying to ourselves?
Blaming Others: The Easiest Escape
Why is it that every road accident is always someone else’s fault? It’s always a school-going child who appeared suddenly, a stray animal crossing, or a reckless driver overspeeding. Negligence is almost never ours. Rarely do we pause and ask the uncomfortable question: Was I at fault? Could I have driven better?
This tendency to deflect blame isn’t limited to roads – it quietly seeps into our homes, our relationships, and the way we raise our children.
Parenting Through Blind Affection
Since childhood, I have heard parents defending their children with familiar lines:
“Mera bachcha toh nadaan hai… seedha hai… bhola hai… dusron ki baaton mein aa jaata hai… achhe-bure ki pehchaan nahi hai.”
Yet often, the same child turns out to be the ringleader of mischief. Somehow, the blame still goes elsewhere.
Double Standards in Our Homes
Why we call our own child “healthy”, but someone else’s child “obese.”
Why our daughter is always the victim in her in-laws’ home, but our daughter-in-law is said to be “enjoying life” in ours.
Why always our child “misses by a only one or two marks” while someone else’s child is less competent than ours but qualifies “just because of being lucky.”
Excuses When Child Fails
When our child performs poorly in exams, why it is:
“The teacher does not like my child.”
“The paper was out of syllabus and lengthy.”
“My child gets nervous in exams.Aata to pura tha,lekin paper khatam nahin kar paya”
But rarely do we hear parents say honestly:
“Yes, my child didn’t prepare well.”
“Yes, my child needs to study harder.”
Why is it so difficult to say:
“Yes, my child is mischievous and needs to be groomed.”
“My child is overweight and needs to control fast food.”
“My child is weak in academics and must work harder.”
Because the truth hurts – and we fear it.
The Damage Caused by Denial
But this denial does not protect our children. In fact, it harms them. It delays correction, blocks self-awareness, and raises individuals who feel entitled, blameless and fragile in the face of real-world accountability.
And this self-deception does not end with parenting.
Denial About Our Own Health
We practice the same denial when it comes to our own health. Many people confidently claim, “I eat very little but still gain weight.”
But they conveniently forget the late-night snacks, sugary tea, weekend indulgences, and a largely sedentary lifestyle.
It is easier to blame metabolism, hormones, or age than to admit a lack of discipline.
Excuses at the Workplace
The same pattern continues at workplaces. When promotions come, we attribute it to our merit. But when promotions go to someone else, it is often due to office politics, favouritism, or connections.
Failures are often blamed on bosses, systems, circumstances, or bad luck.
Very few of us pause and ask:
“Did I truly give my best?”
Everyday Double Standards
Even in everyday life we apply double standards without realizing it.
When we are late, we blame traffic.
When someone else is late, we call them irresponsible.
Our mistakes are explained by circumstances.
Others’ mistakes are explained by character.
Denial in Financial Decisions
Financial decisions reveal another interesting form of denial.
When people face financial trouble, the reasons are always external – the economy is bad, policies are wrong, luck did not favour them. Rarely do we hear someone calmly admit:
“Perhaps I spent beyond my means.”
“Perhaps I made poor financial decisions.”
Blaming circumstances protects our ego, but it prevents learning.
Why Accepting Truth Is So Difficult
At the heart of all this lies a simple truth: accepting our mistakes threatens our self-image.
Admitting that we may be wrong requires humility – and humility is uncomfortable.
That is why we create explanations, excuses and narratives that protect our pride.
The Most Honest Judge: The Mirror
But the most honest judge in this entire process stands quietly in front of us every day – the mirror.
The mirror does not argue.
It does not accuse.
It simply reflects what is.
Yet many of us avoid that reflection – not the physical mirror, but the moral one.
Asking Ourselves the Difficult Questions
We avoid asking difficult questions:
Am I really as disciplined as I claim to be?
Am I raising my children with honesty or with blind affection?
Am I blaming circumstances for failures that are actually my responsibility?
The Beginning of Real Change
The day we gather the courage to say “Maybe I am wrong,” something remarkable begins to happen.
Self-awareness emerges.
Growth becomes possible.
That is the day we stop playing the victim.
That is the day we begin raising stronger children, building healthier relationships, and living more accountable lives.
Because the biggest lie we tell is not to others-
it is the lie we tell ourselves.
The Question We Must Ask Ourselves
So pause for a moment.
Stand before the mirror.
And ask yourself honestly:
When will you speak the truth to yourself?
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