Monica Sharma
We are surrounded by stereotypes all around. Most of them are related to the life and life-style of a woman. As we all know, women have always been the most affected section of our society. They are always told about, what to do? What to speak? What to wear? Whether she is our little daughter or someone’s wife or mother or grand-mother stereotypes have surrounded them all around. Consequently, following all these instructions right from childhood, it has become their habit to ask someone or to be dependent on someone before doing anything. It’s been 69 years of independence for the country but a big section of society is still not independent, not because they are not capable, only because they are not allowed by the most dominating counterpart.
In ancient times, our saints and great scholars have written many holy books that were to make society function in a systematic way. For making people understand certain things or rather we can say, for forcing the society to choose the right path, they used the word ‘sin’ as antonym for ‘goodness’. That sin was actually the bad part that you would have to face if you wouldn’t impose certain restrictions on yourself. But the society, that had always remained male dominant, moulded those teachings according to their comfort and as women were not involved in decision making, they were always told about what their role is : to carry the household chores, to take care of her family, of her husband and children, to worship her husband as God, to do everything and claim for nothing otherwise sin will destroy her fate. In all these manipulations of work and standard, society forgot that instead of males, a female should be worshipped as ‘lakshmi’ of the home. But this thing always remained as only a phrase, in the book . In earlier era, women were kept away from books. Studying, for women, was a big stereotype threat at that time. Because being educated can make them very well aware about their rights. On the other hand, male section enjoyed complete freedom both inside and outside their home. Slowly this divided work became their habit and identity too, turning into a big stereotype that is followed even today.
Stereotypes are not a thing to learn, they are inculcated in human beings during their upbringing. Society is full of them whether it is home or workplace. Why has gender become the basic for deciding the job and capability of a human? If a girl wants to join army, air force or navy her decision must be welcomed. Also on the other hand, being a homemaker should not be an insult for any human. Women accept it happily and no one gives it a thought. But society will put a question mark on your life and identity if you, being a male, even think about it. So tell me, is it gender that will decide the choice of life and lifestyle? Not only women but even men are not free from stereotype-threat.
Gender bias is a form of prejudice and discrimination and it should not have any place while choosing the way one desires to spend her/his life and similarly it should not have any place while choosing a job. Have you as women faced different questions than men in the same interview? Like, are you married? Do you have children? Both these queries have zero roles in the interview. Because whether a woman is married or not and has or plans to have children does not affect her skills anymore as it doesn’t do for a man. All this happens just because of another stereotypic perception that women have more responsibilities after marriage than men and same is the concept with having a child. Authorities should not predicate the hiring or firing of potential employees on the idea that they may require maternity leave. Laws made in favor of women alone, cannot help to overcome this bias. It is the stereotype that has to be changed that women are not best suited as homemakers or baby sitters, they can be more capable than their male counterpart. The moment we divide work, gender starts playing its role. On the birth of a baby we cannot differentiate between the cry of a boy or a girl. Both are equally capable and equally dependable. But as they grow, they learn from the surroundings about their gender and accordingly their limitations, do’s and don’ts etc.
Talking about after married life, most of the stereotypes are in store for a girl who has recently entered a new environment. Many a times I have heard some married girls talking about how their life has changed after marriage, like they make sacrifices, compromise on almost everything and totally forgetting about themselves they start pleasing everyone around (or rather are instructed to do so). This might be because everyone in their new home has their own definition of an ‘Ideal’ Daughter-in-Law or we can say, this is exactly what society expects from a married woman and girls who had forgotten about their identity and burnt it in fire, during taking the holy circles around, start approaching towards their new goal, the ‘Ideal’ Daughter-in-Law. I mean what more can they do? They are raised in a society full of stereotypes and they learn to follow them without any objection. Here comes a question for you girls, why you allow others to enter your personal identity sphere and shatter it? Why don’t you react like a girl you were before? Things might be different and difficult too, but you are the same and you have the capability to handle even worse of the situations. Not even you but the most dominant part of society also knows that you are powerful and tough and that might be the reason for bringing another stereotype which defines that for moving on in life after marriage, girls would have to leave their homes. Why not boys? May be because they are not brave enough to adjust in a totally new environment, may be they are the weak section of society, always trying to dominate, hiding their weaknesses. Come on ladies, you have to realize your strength because only you can break the stereotypes you don’t want to follow anymore. Think about your choices, about what you want and take decisions about you and your life and most importantly, be brave enough to face the critics.
There are many more stereotypes floating in our society and if I started all, end will be at infinity. Some of them may be like: 1. A girl in her 30’s, fit and fine and unmarried. Wait! What? There must be some problem with her (defines the perfect age of marriage for a girl). 2. The girl is PhD and boy is M.Tech. This must be a love marriage. No? Oh! Poor guy (defines guys should be over qualified than girls). 3. Really! She can make perfect round rotis. She is a perfect bride. 4. “She is a girl, you should start investing for her marriage. Keep studies as second priority” is what most of the people may tell you if you have a daughter.
“A women is always thought to be underdressed or overdressed. I feel underdressing is not the sign of emancipation, neither overdressing a sign of great virtue. I think, what one wears is or should be a personal choice” – Renuka Shahane. Whether you are raping or becoming militants or gunning down innocent people or spreading hatred, Is the root of it all, the way a woman dresses? Is it? Because if it is, then why the root of all these menacing problems almost always are the biggest victims? Think about it.
Don’t tell a woman what to do, unless she asks for your opinion, she knows a better solution than you. Don’t demoralize or criticize her if she fails once. Because when she will rise, you will definitely not find any words. Don’t push her to the limits, because if she will adopt zero tolerance, your existence will be in danger. Respect her, care for her, love her, because you do not have the capability of playing her role but she is very much capable of carrying all the duties efficiently.
I know I have written almost everything in favor of women. But the reason, I think you can very well understand. I am not against a community or section of society. My effort here is to awake you all to think about the prevailing stereotypes and to approach towards a world of equality. Equality in terms of education, opportunities, jobs, administrative powers, responsibilities, choices and most important of all, Decision-Making. Because such stereotypes never allow a nation to progress, they never allow a society to flourish, they kill dreams of many. If they affect a certain section of society, they can definitely affect the development of a nation. They must be changed.
(The author is Assistant Lecturer, Deptt. of Computer Science & IT, University of Jammu.)
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