Apoorva S
A few weeks ago, the nation woke up to the appalling details of the grisly murder of a 26-year-old whose body was mutilated by her live-in partner after he had strangulated her in the month of May this year. Since the horrific murder case came to light, media has resorted to abject sensationalism in order to capture the attention of the voyeuristic audience who are left craving for more information, perhaps, to vicariously experience the macabre incident. What is peculiar in this tragedy is the history of domestic violence that the victim had been frequently subjected to before she was killed. The couple had not been married, both lived independently away from familial influence, and moreover, the victim was a self-supporting working woman. The puzzle lies in the woman’s persistent desire to ultimately prefer the companionship of her lover-assaulter over living freely on her own.
Financial dependence on intimate partners constitutes the main reason behind restricting a woman’s right to enjoy complete freedom. Lack of financial control reduces the available choices and subsequently results in women acquiescing to reach a compromise with the batterer. Marriage and childbirth are also seen as major impediments in diminishing the financial power of women due to a long absence from workforce owing to maternity and postnatal leave. While the twentieth century laws which empowered a married man to control his wife’s finances and property are no longer relevant, women still find it difficult to shun abusive relationships. Research has shown that this is due to the emotional connection that the batterer forms with the victim which puts him in a position of authority and control. The abusive behavior typically follows three phases: ‘tension building’, ‘explosion’, and ‘honeymoon phase’. Tension building begins with emotional abuse which the victims have often described as being akin to walking on eggshells. Explosion constitutes the trigger which the abuser often uses as an excuse to justify and normalize his conduct. False honeymoon phase is the stage when the batterer uses romance and emotional appeal to seek forgiveness and ends up manipulating the victim into submissiveness. The third stage offers temporary relief to the sufferer freshly resurfaced out of the shell of emotional incubation. However, the cycle soon resumes and over time if allowed to continue unchecked, this period progressively shortens before its final dissolution.
While financial abuse is insidious and gradually creeps its way into giving the abuser enough resource control to entrap the victim, it is in fact emotional control that acts as the last straw in the victim’s exploitation – the oft-repeated redundant rhetoric cloaked in poignancy that starts and ends with “I won’t do this again”. Resource control, however, is not necessarily financial, as has been proved in the aforementioned case. Money does not provide the answer to every problem. The 26-year-old victim, despite being economically independent, chose to abide by the whims of a man with a proven history of violence in the hope of permanent reconciliation with him. The victim allegedly desired to marry her abuser who apparently did not wish to comply with her entreaties. Financial hardship is therefore not the only reason that ties the victim to her batterer in a relation of continual abuse.
The perpetrator plans his abuse in a way that begins with the social isolation of the victim in order to strengthen his control over her. The loss of what is called as ‘social capital’, that is, networks, social and familial relationships, cooperation and faith as part of communal associations, immensely increases the odds of being ensnared by the tricks of the abuser. Restricted contact with family and friends was also seen as being deployed by the accused in the recent case. The very fact that the victim’s untraceability did not instantly perturb any of her friends or immediate family members affirms the previous argument. Isolation of the victim does not just derail intervention but also reduces the chances of external parties witnessing the acts of abuse. This ends up substantially decreasing the probability of eyewitness testimony, should the victim decide to break free from abuse in future. The oppressor may even resort to weaving elaborate ruses to gaslight the sufferer and gradually stamp her as emotionally or mentally unstable in public. The calculated designs of the perpetrator therefore can be used to definehis act as a premeditated murder instead of a crime of passion.
Financial independence is a necessity; nevertheless, it is not a panacea for everything that threatens domestic bliss. Women who experience intimate partner abuse face different challenges if and when they decide to address the problem.Abuse may not definitely end even after securing financial power for the victim. Research suggests that social norms and gender codes continue to influence the employment decisions of both men and women even in the twenty-first century. While men generally prefer a partner who is willing to play only a supportive role in their relationship, women are typically raised to expect financial support from their husbands. Socialization plays a major role in denying female victims the freedom to choose self-sustenance over gratuitous violence. If adequate work opportunities and pay parity were the solutions to all issues pervading the domestic sphere, these matters would have neared resolution by now, if not completely settled. Domestic violence scholars unanimously believe that intimate partner violence is influenced more by the victim’s gender than by her socioeconomic status or any other factor.
Although we cannot pin down any one reason as to why such abusive relationships endure, it is clear that many successful, working Indian women let the cycle of violence continue unabated despite having the financial-legal power to bring it to a halt. In the age of social media derived validation, do women find singlehood more complicated than escaping abusive relationships? Could Shraddha have been saved if only her social capital had come to her rescue? Or is it the way we educate our women to become accustomed to suffering abuse from their partners in the face of exaggerated social expectations? All these questions shall be answered only when we acknowledge the problem to lie at the intersection of gender, society, and economy.
The instances of Indian women tolerating domestic abuse can be seen as the results of what psychologists call ‘learned helplessness’. While it may seem bizarre for an independent woman to claim helplessness, studies have reported that it stems from a greater dependence on the partner/abuser, a reliance that is not just limited to the financial realm. Social stigma in case of a break-up or divorce, especially in inter-faith relationships like the one discussed above, furthers the fear of social isolation in the victim. Therefore, because of the extensive and intricate nature of the problem, the solution also needs to be comprehensive. Economic independence alone will not mend the system. Concerted attempts to improve legal processes, social welfare programmes, and reforms vis-à-vis paid labour must be devised if we want to avert the occurrence of intimate partner violence and exploitation in India.
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