How to change others

Vinod Verma

When we are faced with daily little choices, we form the habit of making the right decisions. Then when we are faced with really tough decisions, we will tend to make the right choice then too. You may not be able to choose your lot in life, but you can choose how to handle your lot. Some people are near sighted, they look only for present other people are far sighted, they see beyond today.
The behaviour of others should not be allowed to rob us of our peace of mind. We are to learn from one another. We have to learn endless patience and how to reach out of ourselves, outside our own selfishness and self interest in order to help mould their lives correctly. It is our responsibility to guide and train ourselves and give the best possible start in life. It is difficult for anyone to remain mentally calm and hold his tongue when he is irritated by others, but no human being can successfully go through life telling everyone who annoys him how to behave. One should not try to impose his will or ideas upon those around him unless they have asked for such guidance. Unsolicited Counsel creates tremendous resentment. In this ultimate sense only love can change others. When you approach the concerned person in that consciousness of love and endless understanding no matter what they say or do, no matter how they trust you, you can’t help but win in the end that you must also have the patience to go on trying. The eagerness of changing others almost arouses antagonism. Change yourself first; Reform yourself and you will reform so many others.
Unless one is seeking guidance, he doesn’t want to be told what to do. “Advice is seldom welcome, the person who needs it most likes it least.” When he is ready for counsel he will ask for it and he will want it from one with whom he lives, or whom he loves or admires if he sees a beneficial change has taken place in that person’s life. But so long as change is shown only in the form of lip service, the doubter will resist. Be an example of what you want others to be. Changing yourself is the best way to change others around you. It is hard to do, but it can be done. Effort should be directed whose word carries weight, and should speak without harshness, anger or retaliate when hurt. If you want a different atmosphere in your home, you have to take the initiative. Don’t expect a overnight change in your family. Change is slow, natural process. Even if those around you don’t change perceptibly, the change that is inscribed within yourself makes you less vulnerable to the misbehaviour of others. Do not be concerned how people treat your, be concerned only with how you behave. Being even minded when people are kind and loving toward you, that is easy to do; But we must be even minded under all circumstances. When it is practised it brings positive results.
Every human being has attracted to himself every facet of his environment. The resulting experience are essential to his growth. The sharer can react positively and benefit from his ambience or he can react negaltively and be spoiled by it. We always have that choice because we have free will, But last but not the least, God has placed each one of us where we are, through the workings of his cosmic laws in response to our own actions. Those who want to change others should learn from others, have to lift overselves, above the level of ordinary behaviour. If we don’t make this effort, we will not grow and cultivate the changing sense. When we find fault with others but excuse overselves we are spiritually stagnant. Our duty is correct overselves which coordinate the help to correct others. One has to be fixed in something, whether an object, an emotion or in the soul. Our choice is as simple as that. What is it going to be? Will find very easy to cope with life.
I have much to learn! Learning to behave is everythings. Attitude of mind is everything. “This is mine”. My feelings are hurt”. “I” this, and “I” that – thinking this way is a great mistake. “I” is not the doer. God is the only doer. It isn’t enough that we abstain from evil actions or control our temper not to say anything unkind. We must overcome from within. If wrong behaviour is worth in resisting in action, it is worth resisting in thought also. Desist in both thoughts & deed. It creates a willing thoughts to change others & their thoughts too. Our minds have to accept the facts, otherwise we will not make a real effort to conquer moods habits & tendencies. As these gain the upper hand, undue behavioural living begin to lose their hold on them. Changes have a self start up for transforming power of a glimpse of shore of contentment and enthusiasm.
Most people have a concern for status which is unusally simply a poor self image. They are afraid of change. They just want to show them that they can be busy too. They will be motivated by the depth of you just not by the force of your logic. Never search changes in others. It will feel you make alone. But search it in yourself you will feel happy even if you are alone. Discussions are always better than arguments, because an argument is to find out who is right & discussion is to find what is right. Speak in such a way that others love to listen to you. Listen in such a way that others love to speak to you. You identity is more than what people see. Its about how you make people feel.