Dr. Ranbir Kaur
Father’s Day Special
They don’t use hugs, but helping with tasks or activities is a man’s way of showing affection and should not be belittled
The role of Father, papa, or a daddy is seen in a different way in many families and communities. To his child, he may be a protector and to the mother of that child, he may be a protector. A father’s love contributes as much — and sometimes more — to a child’s development as does a mother’s love. What we know for sure is that he is an important part of family but sadly, his role is often overlooked.
There’s just something about dads (and especially mine) that initiates an undervaluation and an underestimation. They’re unnoticed by the roars of our mothers and the misunderstandings of adolescence.
Who is Dad?
When a child is born, the mother and the child are the stars of the show and the supporting actor in the room yelling “push” as loud as he can is ignored. When a child grows, before security systems and safety measures are conceptualised, it is his “Dad” who personifies safety. He acts as an invisible guard whose presence is omnipresent and no matter how big your problem is, he’s always been able to make it better.
Dad is someone who without any strain and apprehension is always ready to take impugn of something he has never done because he liked to see you laugh more. I still remember how with the intention to rescue myself from mom’s thrashing, I used to put all blame on him.
He is the first one to provide comic relief after one of your mom’s lectures. Rather he is a man who is always in your team no matter what’s the topic of discussion. Dad always understood how to give just enough of one thing and the exact amount needed of another. When emotion ruled you or other people, he’s the first person to tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to, and he always knows just what you need.
From the moment we are born, our dads have become an integral part of our lives. You can pick out pieces of him in every part of yourself; the way to walk, the way to talk, the way you eat, the way you sleep, the way you react to certain things. So no doubt that their contribution is overlooked and unobserved but you can’t be half the person you are today without the efforts of a man who has worked all his life without expecting anything in return.
There is no doubt that dads have an image of being the most hardest and rigid members in a family. They may have their own reasons to behave that way but reality still remains the same that it is always difficult for fathers to express them the way mothers do.
Whether one acknowledges or not he’s been the unsung hero of your whole life. They are the ones who gave their whole life to their children without expecting anything (not even verbal acknowledgments) from them. Our dads have never expected to be recognized or celebrated, and that’s exactly why they should be.
Analysing the life of a mother and a father, it becomes apparent that it is mothers who are perceived to have “special bond” with their children. Moms trump dads when it comes to importance, with 47 percent of kids reporting that moms are their most prominent relationships, compared to only 20 percent for dads. Why do kids feel that way?
The main reason behind this kind of variation is that Kids don’t have much access to their dads. In last 50 years, with changing time this has changed dramatically but still moms spend twice as much time caring for kids as do dads. Further, fathers are more likely to communicate affection by doing something supportive than by making verbal expressions, such as saying or writing “I love you.” These words signify and reinforce how they feel about each other.
Fathers are caring and committed to their kids and they love their children and want a great relationship with them. I personally feel that fathers needs do certain things to make the bond stronger:
Don’t allow your spouse to make you the disciplinarian: Many moms want to make us the bad guy. Consequences for kids should be discussed and implemented by both parents.
Power down: Shut off the TV and dumb phone and just be around your kids a bit more. You’ll be amazed at the reaction you’ll get.
Talk less and listen more: Ask lots of questions. Get to know your children and permit them to really know you. Allow yourself to understand their worlds.
So this Father’s Day, make sure you show enough appreciation to all the dads you know so that they feel valued and loved, and then carry all that love through to their children.
“The understated affection of Fathers”
Dr. Ranbir Kaur