Gauri Chhabra
We spend a major portion of our lives at our workplaces- more time than we get to spend with our families. And this is the time when we have knotted nerves and bruised egos. We may be very good with our friends but very few are good with our office mates. There is always a volcano simmering beneath the veneer of cordiality.
Our worst enemies are at our work places. Every day we get to see them – wishing them away only to see them returning into our lives with full gusto. We can turn these enemies into allies. All we need is the art of influencing others.It’s much more profitable, both financially and relationship-wise, to be a master persuader rather than a master manipulator. You need to be able to persuade people to think your way. Persuasion is long term, manipulation is short term.
Check out these common workplace situations and strategies for handling them.
Control is key:
Do you have an inconsiderate coworker who uses speakerphone to discuss everything from meeting recaps with clients to dinner plans with her boyfriend; reads your computer screen over your shoulder; and barges into all your conversations without invitation?
The key to getting your coworker to nix those annoying habits hinges on your ability to stay cool. Otherwise, you’re not in any position to talk to that person in a way that benefits you. So before approaching your cube mate, take a deep breath and promise yourself to keep the snarky comments at bay.Use a friendly, non-accusatory tone, saying something like, “Hey, I’d love to discuss something with you that might make it a bit easier to enjoy our work environment. I really like being your cube mate, but I’ve found myself a bit distracted lately with this big project, particularly when you take calls on speakerphone.”This language is key because it’s friendly-you like her!-and cleverly utilizes an “I” message to describe your distractions and stress, as opposed to her bad habits. And, to keep her from feeling defensive, you’ve focused on just one affront.
Then, follow up with, “When I find myself getting distracted like that, is there a polite way to let you know that something is getting in the way of my work? I just don’t want either of us to feel bad about it if it happens again.”
This way, you’re getting her permission and buy-in to correct the problem in the future. Over the course of time, through continued self-control and kindness, you’re reteaching her to do what you want-be a good office mate.
Build trust by drawing in people:
If your co- worker does not feel about something the way you do, it might simply be his own perspective. You may never be able to fully understand your employee’s attitude because your belief systemthat is a combination of your upbringing, culture and experiences is different. But you can work toward an arrangement that satisfies both of you.
Let me give you a situation. As a team lead, you’ve just been assigned a team that includes a quaint employee who finds fault in everything that is done at the company level. Instead of getting all wound up,try to draw in your complaining team member with a compliment. Say this, “You know, I’d love to discuss something with you that might make it easier for you to enjoy your work. I can tell you’re a deep thinker, and you have a great ability to challenge the status quo. Yet, sometimes, I feel as though your thoughts are communicated in a negative way-which is not bad at all. But the next time you have a concern, I’d love for you to also offer a solution. By framing the situation in this way, you’re showing your colleague that you value his perspective, which can lead to more cooperation and collaboration in the future.This builds something that’s very important in leadership-trust. Once the foundation is laid- it would be smooth sailing thereafter.
Massage the other person’s ego:
You’ve got great ideas, and your supervisor loves them so much so that you suspect he’s been playing them up as his own in high-level meetings. The key to getting your boss to see your point of view in this tricky case is to stoke his ego.
So, here is what you should do. Kick off the conversation with a little old-fashioned flattery, making sure your gratitude is clear before segueing to your concerns. Consider saying, “I really enjoy working with you. I hope you feel the same way-and that my ideas are important to the team.”
Hopefully, he’ll quickly agree, and you can move on to your next sentence: “And I’m always very happy to know that you present some of my best ideas to others.”
Now that you’ve acknowledged your appreciation for what he does for you, gentlybring up your concern with something like, “I sometimes wonder if I’m getting all the proper credit that I should, given my level of participation. What do you think?Without saying, ‘Hey, I think you’re stealing my ideas,’ you’ve asked your boss-in a polite and nonthreatening way-what the deal is. And she can’t let her ego get to her because there wasn’t a real accusation in there. Now the onus is on him to explain where things stand, and it opens the door to a meaningful dialogue.
Set the stage first:
You heard that your company’s revenue flat-lined this year-but that doesn’t change the fact that you’re long overdue for a promotion, and want to broach the topic with your boss.
Now, this is going to be a difficult situation. Setting the stage is the key rather than barging into the conversation with your boss.Once you’re able to schedule a sit-down, your primary objective is to lay down a rock-solid framework-starting with a statement that acknowledges the company’s current challenges, so your request doesn’t seem obtuse. Present your boss with a quantifiable list of your stellar accomplishments over the last few years.Be prepared to show him when, where and how what you’ve been doing has added to the bottom line, not taken from it.
Be diplomatic and tactful:
Now the tables have turned- you are the boss. And you need to rein in a new entrant who wants to skip the less glamorous, everyday tasks she was hired to do to jump into high-profile projects above her skill set. If you want to connect with colleagues to resolve sensitive situations, you’ve got to do it skillfully-and with compassion. If you don’t, that person just becomes defensive and resistant.
Start by showing her that we’ve all been there, with something like-“You have so much potential-and you’re going to do great things at this company. I can see how anxious you are to jump in, and that reminds me of myself when I was your age. Acknowledging her enthusiasm will put her at ease-as will the empathy that you’ve been in the same spot yourself.Right now, we really need you to focus on the duties for your current position, so that you can learn all you need to in order to be an even greater asset-both at this company and later in your career.”Now you’re tying in her own career and future, and phrasing it in a way that provides increased value to her.
Remember, people do things for their reasons-not yours. So, tie in their goals, needs and wants with your desired outcome and turn your enemies into your allies who would vouch for you every step of the way…
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