Ananya Sharma
The news of Harvey Weinstein’s expulsion from the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences is prompting victims to share their own experiences of sexual harassment and assault. The allegations against Harvey Weinstein are grotesque and horrifying and familiar. How many women remembered their own experiences pushing away unwanted embraces and uninvited hands? Or worse? This isn’t just a Hollywood story. This is an everywhere story. It’s the story of men in power using and abusing it against women, cajoling and taking, berating and threatening, trapping and menacing. It’s the story of women being doubted and called crazy or labelled as gold diggers or attention seekers. There are many things that are truly shocking about the Harvey Weinstein story – the brazenness of the overtures, the sheer number of women he allegedly harassed, intimidated and forced himself upon – but the mind reels at realizing just how many people had to have known something for so long. That this was such an open secret speaks to the normalization of treating women as casually disposable objects. And it speaks to a culture that not only tolerates, but lionizes, the men who treat them that way. An open secret is a type of Foucauldian discourse where an intersection of culture, sexuality and power continue to tilt the balance of power in favour of men in workplaces. Everybody knows about it but looks the other way. The open secret reverberates with immense meaning; as it is passed around it establishes power in terms of the effects it can have. If every member in a community becomes slowly convinced of this power, then use of that power becomes a necessity: a gateway to more power or better jobs or fame or money. Slowly it is institutionalised as part of the system- a minor flaw. Thus it is reinforced from multiple points and the complicity of the community allows the perpetrator the audacity to repeat and repeat and repeat again.
In a conversation with a cousin over last weekend about the seething effects of patriarchy, i came to realise we don’t raise boys to be men, we raise them not to be women. In other words, we don’t deliberately nurture boys to be emotionally whole (and nonviolent). We leave them vulnerable to a broader culture dominated by patriarchy and traditions of silence from men – about themselves, and the sexism and misogyny that harm women. To break that silence, I examined the culture in which I was nurtured. This led me to ask him a question. “What’s the worst insult you heard as a boy?” The answer: “Don’t act like a girl! This charge enforces a narrow view of masculinity – demanding that boys “man up” and delivers an insidiously dangerous message that girls and women are “less than”. For feminism is not about who opens the jar. It is not about who pays the bills. It is not about who moves the couch. It is not about who kills the bugs. It is not about who cooks the dinner. It’s not even about who stays home with the kids, as long as the decision was made together, after thinking carefully about your situation and coming to an agreement that makes sense for your particular marriage and family. It is about making sure that nobody ever has to do anything by “default” because of their gender. The stronger person should move the couch. The person who enjoys cooking more, has more time for it, and/or is better at it should do the cooking. Sometimes the stronger person is male, sometimes not. Sometimes the person who is best suited for cooking is female, sometimes not. You should do what works. But it is also about letting people know that it is okay to change. If you’re a woman who wants to become stronger, that’s great. If you’re a man who wants to learn how to cook, that’s also great. You might start out with a relationship where the guy opens all the jars and the girl cooks all the meals, but you might find that you want to try something else.
The only way for women and girls to remain an influential part in society is to constantly engage in discussion, even when we aren’t welcome. We constantly struggle with stereotypes against girls who are intelligent, articulate, and active members of school and society – a role still associated with men. Remember that girl in every woman you encounter who deserves to discover her potential, her power, and how to fly. She must function in a world that too often treats her like prey, clips her wings, burdens her with tormented memories of fear and shame. Remember that girl today, the same girl inside so many women, full of wounds but bandaged over with silence and a smile. Remember the world she is in, so often hostile to her truth, to the fullness and volume of her voice. The world that convinces her she is always to blame. Take the time today not only to remember, but to listen, to learn, to start to understand what if feels like, in this world, for a girl. And resolve to make it better. For her. And for you.
(The author is doctoral student, Jawaharlal Nehru University)
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