Gauri Chhabra
How many times have you tried to stop yourself rom reacting to an unpleasant situation and it just flowed out? The venom, the anger, the tears? And more importantly, how many times did you regret later that you had not done so?
How many times were you successful in controlling your emotions? Before you go on a guilt trip and start ticking yourself for doing it too often, let me tell you, you are not in it alone…
We’re of the same tribe.We want the same things.
Can you shift your emotional state at will? Can you shift your team members’ too?
Most of us can’t-when we get emotionally triggered we’re toast. Our train has left the proverbial station and we’re on it.
We’re stuck.
We’re stressed.
However, just because you are stressed should not make you lose your cool and start reacting to every stimulus that life has to offer you. You have to tame your mind and your senses.
For instance, you are bugged by the rising telephone bills and you call your Admin officer and say: “I’ve been looking at our teleconference bill and I think we could save 30% or more .We need to analyze conference services and cloud possibilities because I’m concerned we’re overspending by least Rs 10,000 per month and I’mthinking through the best process to identify a qualified but more cost-effective service.”
See the underlined words and phrases? These are where you communicate from-and the Admin Officer cannot even hear you. You have cut him off from the second sentence itself.
Instead if you choose not to react but respond you would say: “I want to speak with you about our goal to not just double revenue this year but also increase profitability I have some cost-cutting options I’d like to propose .Are you interested?
Outcome: Your rapport and trust with the admin has skyrocketed.
Often times our reactive compulsive state wins over the state of chosen response and that results in performance hijack. Performance hijacks happen when you lose your access to resources in clutch situations. For example, a high-potential manager walks into a senior manager’s office and can’t speak in coherent sentences although he knows the material. Or a seasoned executive babbles at the board meeting when she is known for her clear thinking. Or the manager who just saved the company has been asked to present what he did and flounders through the presentation. All these are examples of a performance hijack.
Let me give you another example. “Rohit” is a client of ours who works for a prestigious worldwide consulting group. He had been promoted to a role that involved far more presenting to and persuading key clients, and, suddenly he was freezing, stumbling, and losing clients. This high performer had become a liability. What was happening to Rohit?
We all have been conditioned to act in a manner that at one time in our lives was vital for survival. In Rohit’s case, his conditioning was to be as invisible as possible; he’d been wired in childhood to avoid a parent with a rage problem. Invisibility was equivalent to safety for young Rohit. The current-day trigger of high visibility in front of important clients was now activating this trigger and kept plunging him into his reactive state Critter State, where he had learned to shrink from the world in order to survive. His reactive state was running the show to ensure his survival-and his response state was shut down.
I am using Rohit’s case here to illustrate what can happen when neural wiring starts running amok. All behaviors and behavior patterns had some kind of intended positive outcome at the time they were created; they were useful in some way to help the individual get the positive outcome they sought. The trouble is that as we grow and change somebehavior patterns no longer serve us. They either need to be updated for the well-being of our current selves, or, in Rohit’s case, they need to be released entirely.
So, you need to respond rather than react. Here is how to:
Think big picture. When you think about how this specific situation fits into your overall goals and objectives it will be easier to respond.
Put the situation in context. Always consider the context – what is happening and how the next step will best serve you, the organization and everyone involved.
Blend logic and emotion. The best decisions are both informed by facts and infused with emotion. The goal isn’t to deny your emotions, but to balance those immediate emotional responses with thoughts and facts to fill in the blanks. This is the essence of responding.
Ask yourself the key reaction question. The key question is: Am I reacting? Simply asking yourself that question can ground you and give you a quick mental break to perhaps choose differently.
Recognize choices. Often reacting comes when you don’t know or think you do. Between the urge and the action, falls a moment of choice. We have a choice whether to lash out, to slap a band-aid on that hurt feeling, to act in a way that will level, to drown our sorrows.
Or we have a choice whether to take a step back, to feel the emotion (but not become overwhelmed by it), to think to ourselves “I notice I’m feeling hurt”, and be able to decide: “What do I really want to do about this?”
When we take the second option, we have a chance to respond. We have a chance to express our emotions in a way that feels satisfying to us and clearly communicates how we feel to the other person or people in the interaction. We have a chance to act with authenticity and integrity, and ultimately to act in a way that we can feel good about later.
When we choose reaction over responding, when we give in to that instinctive urge to scratch that itch, we lose that chance and we lose control.
When we react, we’re acting out parts of us that are buried, that don’t feel heard and have unmet needs. These parts need to surface at some point, but in order to fully process them, we need to give them the chance to emerge in a calm, supported environment, not burst out uncontrolled.
After all, between stimulus and response… is LIFE
Respond, do not react
Spiritual journey from Kashmir to Kanyakumari
K.N. Pandita
The sacred religious festival of Nag Panchami, devotedly celebrated by Kashmiri Pandits from hoary past, fell on August 1 this year. I happened to be vacationing in Srinagar when I received a telephonic call from my dear friend Brij Lal Bhat asking me to join him and others on this festival at Shri Ramakrishna Mahasamelan Ashram, Nagdandi, Anantnag. Nag Panchami has been traditionally celebrated by the community members ever since Naga worship became prevalent after the desiccation of Kashmir mandala caused by Varaha, the Unicorn shaped incarnation of Vishnu, who struck his horn at the mountain at a place now called after him Baramulla (Varaha-mulya) making an cleavage from where the water escaped down to join Krishna Ganga at present-day confluence of Domel.
To take the train to Anantnag, I boarded at Nowgam, the railway station for Srinagar. I had great curiosity to take a ride on Kashmir train, and to be honest, I thought I was just dreaming. It took me some time to co-relate railway running in the valley to thousands of years of the history of Kashmir’s inaccessibility. The station was not crowded as I had thought. But I was surprised and happy that passengers stood in a queue with no hassles or elbow pushing to buy the ticket. I got it at my turn. The platform and the rail track both were clean but the common toilet disappointed me. This is a chair car, comfortable with good leg space and under ceiling rack to deposit baggage. A few things were observable. The passengers were mostly rural people who sat in their seats silently without making any noise or loose conversation. No ticket checker appeared till the end of journey. But the floor of the train was dirty and unkempt showing that it lacked cleanliness. Some of the window panes were hanging loosely which showed that caretakers were not efficient enough to get things repaired. The train was miraculously on time for departure as well as arrival. Passengers boarded or disembarked without noise and uneasy haste.
What fascinated me most were the endless lush green fields of paddy and beautiful groves of trees and small stream of water crisscrossing on either side of the train, mile after mile, creating the imagery of paradise on earth. In my mind I compared this vast imagery of Maraz region with comparatively niggardly Kamraz, the region with which I have been associated all my life. South Kashmir is the heart of the valley.
My friend had sent a vehicle to pick me up at Anantnag railway station to Nagdandi Ashram, a distance of about ten kilometers. He was delighted to see me and immediately introduced me to his workers (karyakartas) at the ashram. It was past mid day and most of the pilgrims to Nagdandi Ashram had come the previous evening, joined the night-long prayers and recitation of Vedic hymns, kept night vigil, and left after lunch next day. About 1500 persons from various villages of district Anantnag and from other places had assembled and spent the night in the worship of the deity. Most of them were from among the beneficiaries of PM’s Package.
Soon after my arrival, my host took me on a round of the entire ashram complex and a couple of structures that dotted the complex. This is a very fascinating ashram extended over a hundred kanals of land located in the lap of dense forest of tall pine and fir trees and eye-catching verdure. I guess that here horticulturists will find large variety of shrubs and plants that could carry medicinal component.
The Ashram
77 years ago, in 1937, Swami Ashokananda ji Maharaj, an ardent devotee at Swami Ramakrishna Math, Belur (Kolkata) and a dedicated disciple of venerated Swami Satchidananda, established this ashram for meditation and prayers after the teachings of his guru, and gave it the name of Shri Ramakrishna Mahasamelan Ashram (SRMA) Nagdandi. It is situated at a distance of about 2 kilometers from Achhabal Mughal garden on Anantnag-Chhatragul road. He built a small Ramakrishna temple close to a beautiful spring of fresh water which the ancient Kashmiri Pandits used to visit on Nag Panchami for prayers and offerings. Gradually the site of the ashram expanded when more land was granted by the state and in addition, Swamiji purchased some more land that was contiguous to the ashram premises. The entire premises is now fenced with a stone wall. The local people, too, find it a place of peace and safety. I saw a free medical camp set up on the occasion and a number of local people, men and women, were present waiting for their turn to be attended by the doctors.
Swami ji stayed in the ashram all his life during mild summers and harsh winters when the ashram premises received over seven feet deep snow in winter. He offered prayers at the temple regularly and without a break.
A large number of Pandits of Anantnag district became devotees of Swami Ashokananda Maharaj and their frequent visits to the ashram spread a wave of quest for spiritual awareness among them. The devotees spared their time, money and labour to build the ashram from grass roots and made it a place wherefrom the message of inner peace and tranquility of Shri Ramakrishna would flow all over Kashmir and beyond. A couple of ramshackle huts came up where the pilgrims would overstay a night or two to momentarily escape the chores of material life and taste spiritual bliss from the sermons of the seer.
By the year 1971, when Swami Ashokananda ji Maharaj made his will, as many as 12 structures had come up, which included the temple, single storey shed grainer, kitchen building, a double storey building, shed, cowshed, lavatory and one hut. Thereafter more structures were added, and the current Administrative Committee that is entrusted with the management of the ashram has drawn a plan defining what projects it will be undertaking in small or big way to give improved shape to the ashram and make it more attractive for the pilgrims. Most importantly, it has retrieved the spring that had almost become dysfunctional owing to neglect. The very fact that nearly 1500 pilgrims visited the ashram on this Nag Panchami festival explains that the administrative body has taken great pains to improve the campus and motivate the pilgrims to revive the healthy ancient tradition and ethos.
Management
On October 6, 1970, late Swamiji Ashokananda Maharaj executed a formally registered will saying that since he had come of age, the “management of the Ashram with all the properties moveable and immoveable of Bhagwan Shri Ramakrishna will rest in Shri Ramakrishna Mission Ashram, Belur Math, and Calcutta…” He nominated five persons to execute his will. At the same time, he also put down in the will that “if for any reason Shri Ramakrishna Mission Belur Math expresses its inability to take over the management of this ashram, the executors should approach Shri Eknath ji now the Organizing Secretary of Vivekananda Sheela Smarak for taking the management of this ashram for furtherance of the ideals for which it is founded.”
As it happened, Ramakrishna Mission Ashram, Belur Math excused itself from accepting the management of Shri Ramakrishna Mahasamelan Ashram properties (at Nagdandi and Chunur). As such, the five executors nominated by Swami Ashokananda ji in his will, carried out his instructions and approached the Vivekananda Sheela Smarak through Eknath ji. In this way, both of the two establishments and properties of Shri Ramakrishna Mahasamelan Ashrams passed into the management control of Shri Vivekananda Kanyakumari Kendra in Kanya Kumari in South India. Incidentally, four of the five executors, after they had fulfilled the role assigned to them by Swami Ashokananda Maharaj, departed at their time to their heavenly abode. Henceforth for Ramakrishna Mahasamelan Ashram Nagdandi, a new journey began with its overall management now in the hands of Kanyakumarri Kendra in accordance with the will of Swami Ashokananda ji Maharaj.
This is how a spiritual link between Kashmir and Kanyakumari was forged through the joint auspices of Ramakrishna Mission and Vivekananda Kendra. It was the vision of Shri Ashokananda ji Maharaj that gave the future direction to the ashram by not constituting any committee or creating a trust that would have hampered the development of the ashram and leaving it to the care of Kanyakumari Kendra.
Matthew Rhys joins Bradley Cooper’s chef movie
LOS ANGELES, Aug 9: ‘The Americans’ star Matthew Rhys has joined the cast of Bradley Cooper’s culinary movie.
The 39-year-old actor will play a rival chef who gets in Cooper’s way when he sets out to obtain a Michelin three-star rating, reported Deadline.
The film was recently given its third title – Untitled John Wells Project – until another name can be decided upon.
Cooper and co-star Sienna Miller have been photographed filming in London in recent weeks, including scenes at the Burger King restaurant in Leicester Square.
The Weinstein Co-produced project will also star Daniel Bruhl, Emma Thompson, Uma Thurman, Lily James, Jamie Dornan, Riccardo Scamarcio and Sarah Greene.
John Wells is on board as director, while Stacy Sher, Michael Shamberg and Erwin Stoff are producing. (PTI)
Air strikes aimed at stopping any advance of ISIL in Irbil
WASHINGTON, Aug 9: The US military strikes against Islamic State militants in Iraq is aimed at stopping the advance of the terrorist outfit towards the Kurdish regional capital Irbil, a top White House official has said.
“What our strikes are doing are aiming to achieve a very specific objective around Irbil, which is to stop any advance of ISIL in a way that threatens Irbil. We believe we are having that impact,” Deputy US National Security Advisor Ben Rhodes told the PBS’s ‘News Hour’ yesterday.
“We have been able to hit ISIL targets that have been shelling the Peshmerga, that have been trying to advance toward the city. And what we want to do is create a periphery where they cannot get into Irbil and threaten our people and facilities or the security of the city more broadly,” he said hours after the US military launched a series of air strikes against ISIL targets in Iraq.
Islamic State militants claimed that the US airstrikes were not hurting them at all and they were going to keep going.
Yesterday, US fighter jets and drones repeatedly bombed targets in northern Iraq, which Pentagon described was ISIL’s artillery units and convoys advancing on Irbil.
After launching strikes in the morning, the US forces conducted two additional airstrikes.
According to Pentagon Press Secretary Navy Rear Adm John Kirby, remotely piloted aircraft struck a terrorist mortar position.
When ISIL fighters returned to the site moments later, he added, the terrorists were attacked again and were killed.
Eight minutes later, four F/A-18 aircraft successfully struck a stationary ISIL convoy of seven vehicles and a mortar position near Irbil, Kirby said.
Reiterating that there would be no American boots on the ground to be engaged in combat in Iraq again, Rhodes said the Obama administration believed that it could achieve its objectives from the air.
“So, around Irbil, we can again create a periphery where we’re hitting any ISIL targets that move toward a city. That creates a protection zone for Irbil and our people there,” he said.
“On that mountain, we can do humanitarian aid drops, and we can also hit any ISIL targets if we see people threatening that mountain. That should create some space where we can come up with a solution to provide a safe passage and safe space for the Yazidi people,” he said.
Rhodes said the ISIL advances have come as a wakeup call to the Iraqi leaders.
“Iraq’s leaders had gotten complacent. They had fallen back into sectarian divides. But ISIL’s advances I think did provide a wakeup call and you have seen in the government formation process progress. A new Kurdish president nominated, a new Sunni speaker, now discussions around a prime minister,” he said. (PTI)
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DGP reviews security, law, order situation
JAMMU : The Director General of State Police K Rajindera today reviewed security and law and order situation ahead of Independence Day celebrations.
Mr Rajindera this afternoon chaired a high-level meeting of different security agencies and para-military forces to review law and order and security scenario in Jammu Zone.
The DGP appreciated the efforts of various agencies in maintaining law and order and keeping the militants activities under check.
He asked them to put in their best for ensuring adequate security and law and order arrangements during the Independence function in Jammu and stressed upon effective coordination, adequate briefing to the officers and men being deployed and effective supervision over the ground deployment to achieve better result.
Mr Rajendra however, also issued detailed instructions to traffic officials about bringing improvement in the regulation of traffic and asked him to deploy more traffic personnel where traffic jams are frequent to avoid inconvenience being caused to general public.
Earlier, IGP Jammu Zone Rajesh Kumar, briefed the DGP about arrangements made by Jammu Police to strengthen the law and order and security grid in the backdrop of Independence Day.
He said all necessary arrangements have been made and the field Officers and Units concerned stand thoroughly briefed and sensitized. (AGENCIES)
Omar reviews mega projects in Jammu
JAMMU : Chief Minister Omar Abdullah today reviewed the pace of progress on mega projects under execution in Jammu at a high-level meeting here this evening.
The Chief Minister received brief on the progress of upgradation of Jammu Airport, development of Artificial Lake, Cable Car Project Jammu, development of Sidhra Golf Course, Mubarak Mandi Heritage Complex, Suchetgarh Border Tourism Project, 200-bedded Maternity Hospital Jammu, 4-laning of Satwari-Kunjwani highway, Legislative Complex Jammu, Jammu Sewerage project, Multi-level Parking at Bus Stand Jammu, Industrial Estate at Ghati Kathua, Vikram Chowk Flyover, mega water supply project for greater Jammu, Rugnath Bazar beautification project, comprehensive sewerage project and other schemes under implementation at present.
The meeting was informed that mega water supply project Jammu is being purposed to Japan Bank of International Commerce for funding. The Chief Minister directed for speeding up the work in this regard.
The Mega Water Supply Project, Jammu estimated to cost Rs 500 crores envisaged lifting of water from Chenab River to meet the water requirement of the projected population of Greater Jammu upto 2020 in its first phase.
The Chief Minister while reviewing the progress of Rs 6.50 crore Ragunath Bazar beautification project directed for its early completion.
The officers presented details of progress and other aspects of these projects and gave full account of financial and physical targets of these mega projects launched by the Government to pave the way for comprehensive development, upgradation of basic amenities and addressing various traffic and transport issues.
Earlier, the Chief Minister visited Rugnath Bazar to take on spot appraisal of the progress of work on Rugnath Bazar beautification project. (AGENCIES)
Cong will emerge strong force in JK: Soni
JAMMU : Congress general secretary Ambika Soni today said BJP has utterly failed in his promises and stands exposed for its double standards on various fronts, claiming that her party will emerge strong force in J&K.
“Congress party will emerge strong force in all the three regions of the State. BJP has utterly failed in his promises and stands exposed for its double standards on various fronts,” Soni said while addressing workers’ convention in district Kathua.
The one-day Congress convention was attended by Soni, Incharge, J&K affairs and Ghulam Nabi Azad, Leader of Opposition in the Rajya Sabha, while PCC chief Saifuddin Soz presided over the function.
Prices of all essential commodities have witnessed steep rise during the past two months against the claims of BJP to bring it down, she said, adding, the party workers have geared up to defeat the “divisive forces” in the state in the forthcoming Assembly elections.
Referring to the MGNERGA scheme, Food Security Act and FDI in insurance sector, Soni said BJP is today implementing which they opposed for 10 years.
Senior party leader Ghulam Nabi Azad in his address said Congress is the only secular force which stands guarantee to the unity and integrity of the State and country.
He said Congress has always worked for the betterment and welfare of each and every sections of the society, especially downtrodden and the poor. (AGENCIES)
Govt will give resources to resettle KPs in Valley: Jaitley
NEW DELHI : Kashmiri Pandits who wish to go back to the Valley and settle there will be facilitated with all necessary resources by the Government, Union Minister Arun Jaitley said today.
“There has been clarity in this Government regarding many problems and we have even allocated money. Our Kashmiri Pandit brothers who want to go back and settle in the Kashmir Valley… The Government will provide resources for them.
“Whatever is needed for them to live there, we will construct it,” he said.
Addressing the BJP’s National Council meeting here, Jaitley also said that the party understood the importance of the country’s pilgrimage centres and assured that the Government will work with the states to construct ghats on river banks.
The BJP-led Government is also taking steps to boost tourism, he said.
The Finance Minister in his speech also spoke about the steps being taken by his Government to improve the economic condition of the country. (AGENCIES)
JKNPP announces first list of 9 candidates for Assembly polls
JAMMU: Jammu and Kashmir National Panthers Party (JKNPP) today announced its first list of nine candidates for the Assembly elections scheduled to be held in the months of October-November.
A Special Meeting of Parliamentary Board of JKNPP under the chairmanship of Harsh Dev Singh MLA has cleared the nine candidates in the first installment, party spokesman here said.
He said the second list shall be released next week.
Those present in the Parliamentary Board included Balwant Singh MLA President JKNPP, P K Ganju and Choudhary Mohammad Iqbal Vice-Presidents, Anita Thakur, Yashpal Kundal MLA and H C Jalmeria General Secretaries and Bansi Lal Sharma Political Advisor JKNPP.
JKNPP chief patron Bhim Singh was also present as a special invitee in the meeting.
The list of candidates included from Ramnagar Constituency Harsh Dev Singh, from Udhampur Constituency, Balwant Singh Mankotia, from Samba Constituency (SC), Yashpal Kundal, from Vijaypur Constituency, Rajesh Sharma (Pargotra), from Chenani Constituency (SC), Dhani Ram Atri, from Surankot Constituency, Sarpanch Ashfaq Rana, from Bani Constituency, Pawan Dev Singh, from Banihal Constituency, Sewa Singh Bali and from Hiranagar Constituency (SC), Ram Dhan.
(AGENCIES)
Lt Gen Saha meets Guv; apprises on infiltration bids
SRINAGAR : General Officer Commanding of Srinagar-based 15 corps Lt Gen Subrata Saha today called on Governor N N Vohra here and briefed him about the recent attempts by militants to infiltrate into the Valley from Pakistan-occupied Kashmir.
“Lt Gen Saha called on the Governor at the Raj Bhavan and briefed him about the recent attempts at infiltration from across the Line of Control (LoC),” an official spokesman said after the meeting.
Army troops foiled several infiltration attempts in Kupwara district of north Kashmir over the past fortnight, killing seven militants. An Army jawan also lost his life during the encounters.
The spokesman said the army commander also discussed the overall security situation with the Governor.
He also gave the Governor, who is also Chairman of the Shri Amarnthji Shrine Board, the Army’s inputs about certain aspects of the ongoing Amarnath pilgrimage which is scheduled to end tomorrow.
The 44-day long annual pilgrimage to the 3,880 metre high holy cave shrine in south Kashmir Himalayas commenced on June 28 and so far over 3.72 lakh pilgrims paid their obeisance at the shrine housing the naturally formed ice-Shivlingam.
As many as 43 pilgrims died during the yatra this year. (AGENCIES)