Jagmohann Sharma
“Yatra Naryastu Poojyante, Ramante Tatra Devta:”
That means…where women are treated with respect, the gods themselves reside there!
There would hardly be any Indian who has not heard this verse or does not know its meaning. This verse depicts the importance of women in Indian culture. Our Constitution enshrines equal rights and respect for women as men but the reality is completely different from this. A woman getting exploited and harassed is a common phenomenon making headlines every other day. It bears a testimony to the fact that no matter how much is written in our ancient scriptures and guaranteed by the Constitution, the ground reality is completely different and contradictory.

international men’s day

At the same time there exists a section of our society whom no one openly talks about them getting victimized or exploited. It is rarely highlighted, and when it does, it is simply ignored or jokingly brushed apart as a casual happening. Yes, it is the The Prudent Male. Brave, courageous, tough, insensitive, strict, careless, heartless, unkind, loud, debauched, capricious……bla bla bla , we don’t know how many nouns and adjectives are added to his name but neither does he express any objection to it nor does he react to it. Even at times, he himself hesitates in accepting that he is exploited, victimized, oppressed, and ends up being a helpless poor fellow. Real men don’t cry”: One of the most common taboos surrounding men’s mental health is the stigma that expressing emotions, particularly vulnerability or sadness, is a sign of weakness. Abuse of men happens far more often than you might expect-in both heterosexual and same sex relationships. It happens to men from all cultures and all walks of life, regardless of age or occupation. Figures from studies at international level reveal that as many as one in three victims of domestic violence are male. If the man is not violent or has never been beaten before, violence from a spouse who has anger issues or behavioral issues could make it difficult for him to face or deal with the situation. The helplessness could be a recurring feeling, further leading to low self-esteem and depression. Apart from this one in ten men has experienced rape, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner, but unfortunately it’s a fact that lot of people aren’t really aware of. It is key to remember that domestic abuse does not always mean physical violence – it also covers coercive and controlling behaviour, including psychological and emotional control. Some men do not suffer from violence but suffer terrible psychological and emotional abuse. As a man, it is important to recognize that speaking up about domestic abuse can be both brave and empowering. It can be difficult to come forward, and it takes strength to do so. Speaking up about domestic abuse can help to raise awareness and to show other men who may be suffering that they are not alone. For many male survivors, stereotypes about masculinity can also make it hard to disclose to friends, family, or the community.
Many people in crisis feel as though no one understands them and that they are not taken seriously. People don’t validate their feelings. No one expresses concern or tell them in a direct way that he cares about them . If one divulges something, his own friends may make a mockery of him asking about details of the assault like how everything happened.
It’s International Men’s Day today. A day that most men will readily and quickly joke as being, one day too short as “the rest of the year belongs to women anyway!”. International Men’s Day is celebrated every year on November 19, but unlike women’s day, there are no special celebrations done on this day. In fact, a lot of people don’t even know that there is a day dedicated especially to men. It is an occasion to celebrate boys’ and men’s lives, achievements and contributions, in particular for their contributions to nation, union, society, community, family, marriage, and childcare.
The broader and ultimate aim of the event is to promote basic awareness towards men’s issues. Therefore, this day is observed on an annual basis to address all the issues men quietly face on a global scale.The motive behind celebrating International Men’s Day is not only to address issues relating to men and boys but to explore and initiate conversations on taboo topics like men’s mental health and male suicide. Additionally, International Men’s Day is commemorated to mark the contribution of men who positively influence their gender and act as role models.International Men’s Day also encourages men to teach the boys in their lives the values, character and responsibilities of being a man. This day serves as a reminder that gender equality is a collective effort that benefits both men and women, and that addressing men’s well-being is an essential part of this journey.
I have over a dozen stories depicting harrasment, exploitation, sexual abuse, mental torture, emotional attyachar been done to men. These stories are not based on imagination but are completely true incidents which happened to many of my relatives, friends, acquaintances and close ones. Many a time I thoght of putting these stories in public domain in form of a book but none of them, except one, gave me his consent to do so. Reason behind it is the false narrative developed over the centuries that a man can’t be a sufferer. Even if he is he masculinity doesn’t allow him to accept it. Thinking over these real life clues I one day uttered a few lines that go like this aaj lagi mardaanagi bhi daav par, haan daav par…., kaun kehta hai purush peedit nahin shoshit nahin. Today masculinity is also at stake. Who says men are not victims and not getting exploited? Reality is that we the men too get hurt, we break and crack just as often as women do, however, we aren’t allowed to show it.
I hope that scholars, thinkers, social workers, intellectuals, educationists and critics alike will understand the basic aim behind writing this article. It is to contribute towards creating awareness in the society that no child, boy or a young man faces any kind of oppression. He should not tolerate harassment, be it physical, mental, emotional or social. He should not hesitate to raise his voice against it and the tag of masculinity should not force him to tolerate all the atrocities silently.
It may be comparatively less or rare in our society. But just because something is rare doesn’t mean we ignore it. It doesn’t mean we don’t seek to understand it. And it doesn’t mean we don’t put in place processes to make sure we minimize it.
(The writer is a broadcast journalist, presently working at Akashvani Jammu as Dogri News Reader.)

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