Arjun Singh Rathore
A chip off the old block, ‘He is just like his father’ and ‘She is definitely her mother’s daughter’.
Role models are people who influence others by serving as examples. They are often admired by the people who emulate them. Through their perceived personal qualities, behaviours, or achievements, they can inspire others to strive and develop without providing any direct instruction.
Father and mother are the closest people to their children, both of whom are the first to teach feet to touch the ground. Social scientists have shown that much of learning that occurs during childhood is acquired through observation and imitation.For most children, the most important role models are their parents and caregivers, who have a regular presence in their lives.As a parent, it is impossible to not be a model. Your children will see your example, positive or negative, as a pattern for the way life is to be lived.Depending on what you do or do not do, you can be either, a very important protective factor, with an environmental influence that protects against problem behaviour, or a very powerful risk factor, with an environmental condition that is associated with an increase in problem behaviour.
Are you a role model for your child? Parenting can be tough, but one of the most basic ways we can raise our children is simply by being a good role model for them. Being a positive role model actually requires effort, fore-thought, and self-control for most parents. Because your children are watching you all the time, your actions, beliefs, and attitudes become integrated into your children’s way of being, therefore it is very important that you be very intentional about what behaviours you model for your children.Being aware of this huge responsibility can encourage you to better yourself, for example, if you do not want your child to smoke, then one of the most effective ways you can communicate that is to quit smoking yourself or not start in the first place.
Parenting can be tough, but one of the most basic ways we can raise our children is simply by being a good role model for them.Believe it or not you’re always a role model for your child. Every time you say something, take an action or have a reaction to someone or something, your child is observing your behaviour. As infants, this is how children gain language skills and eventually learn to talk. Pre-schoolers depend upon observation as they begin to understand and test the workings of interpersonal relationships. And even teenagers, although you might not believe it, are listening to your words and observing your actions, examining how you handle everything from personal relationships to stress to career disappointments.
Unfortunately for parents, the saying “Do as I say, not as I do” simply does not work. Children can sniff out hypocrisy like a blood hound, and they gain the most from parents who demonstrate consistency between their actions and their values by “walking the talk.” If you don’t want your children to lie to get out of going to school by feigning illness, then you best not lie about taking a “sick” day from work.If you don’t want your children to spend excessive time on technology devices, you have to limit your use of the same devices.Kids respect adults who live by the rules they preach. Hypocrisy disillusions children and sends them looking for alternative role models to follow.
Your children are not only watching you carefully for clues about how to be; they are also listening to you. The way you speak, what you speak about, and the opinions you express will influence their values. Consider how you speak to them, your spouse, your friends and neighbours, the check-out person at the grocery store.
You will be a larger influence in your children’s lives if you have a warm and nurturing relationship with them, and your children are more likely to emulate you if they feel close to you and supported by you. Give them unconditional love in a safe environment that also provides consistent, firm, and flexible discipline so they know what is expected of them. Listen to them without judgment when they are upset. Share your own feelings with them so they get to know you; share some of your choices and decision-making as examples to guide them. Find ways to have fun with them, to share interests, to enjoy one another’s company (preparing a meal, discussing a TV show, playing sports together, etc.). Build a connection with them based on trust so they know they can count on you when they need you, and so that they learn to be trustworthy in return.
Many of the most important ways to role model are things you already do every day, now it’s just time to realize your child is learning when they see you do these things. Ask yourself what kind of people you want your children to become, and then consider what you can do to model the behaviours and attitudes that would reflect that kind of person.Show Respect for others and yourself. Your child also takes cues on self-worth from you. Respect yourself and your child will follow your lead.Practice positive communication skills. Do listen to your child without interrupting? Be mindful of how and when you communicate, give your child your complete attention and respect their thoughts. You are teaching them to do the same for you.Keep a Positive Outlook. Perhaps the negative outlook begins at home.Nobody is perfect, neither you nor your children. That means that mistakes will be made. What is most important when mistakes are made is the way you handle the situation. It’s often simple (and not so drastic) mistakes that become the best opportunities to model good behaviour. Teach the value of health. Sit with your children and share healthy meals and snacks with them, reduce your own TV time and plan outdoor activities you can do together, like a walk in the evening or a bike ride. Work on anger management.
Responding to stress, anger or hurt feelings is a valuable tool that you can model for your child. We live in a society that is fast-paced, demanding and stressful, and anger is a very natural reaction. The next time you are faced with a challenge, try to remain calm, take a deep breath and talk through the issue. If appropriate, talk to your child about what triggered your anger and how you dealt with it. Your child will learn to take a step back and think about his own reactions the next time he gets mad.
The question is not whether your children will emulate you, they will. The question is which behaviours they will imitate. Through role modelling, you have the ability to influence your children’s development in positive ways and make it more likely that they become people you will admire when they mature. Always keep this in mind, teaching by example is often easier and more effective than forcing children to obey rules by scaring, threatening, or tempting them with rewards.
As you consciously influence your children’s growth and development, you have the potential to positively impact your family legacy for generations to come. Each day, little by little, you can build a legacy of emotional health and resilience for your children to inherit. Remember, what goes around, comes around, from one generation to the next.
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