Er. Vinod Verma
Often we are approached by parents disconcerted by the ever widening “Generation Gap” between them and their children. There are many reasons for the problems of today’s youth taken together, these problems constitute a vast and complex subject. Metaphysically, there is also the effect of Mass Media. Consider also the general permissiveness of our society and the lowering of religious and moral standards as evidenced in publications and entertainment. That which feeds the basic instincts of man is bound to bring out the crude animalistic qualities in them. But setting aside these broader considerations, let us dwell on a few basic truths about the parent child relationship and “effective parenting”. Its no small matter of concern that children today and their parents, face tough challenges. We read news on news about the problems facing youth people, gang violence, drug abuse, sexual promiscuity, even suicides. What is needed is providing a wholesome environment where in children can grow into happy, balanced emotionally and spiritually balanced individuals. The behaviour at home and environment shows degree of magnetic development. The basis law of right human behaviour is Self reform and help to reform into his sphere. We should exercise extreme caution by keeping our feelings always under our command. Whenever any trouble occurs with our dear ones, we should try to get out of it as fast and as graciously as we can. It is fruitless to increase the trouble by loudly, unkindly discourteously blaming others, even though we find they are to blame. Sermons given unkindly to error-prejudiced mentalities are not only appreciated, but misunderstood.
The essence of effective parenting is loving communication and loving discipline. Together then two skills have a power to create a strong sense of family, closeness to go a long way towards counteracting the negative influence, children are exposed to in a contemporary society. Family closeness, actually fortifies the children with an inner resistance to the problems of life. A close family unit is a family in which the love experience between parents and children creates a deep bond of trust and security and makes the home a place of warmth and refuge. Family grow close together through good communication. It does not just mean talking. It means cultivating a rapport, an understanding. How to develop that rapport to begin with, learn how to listen. Discipline should not be carried out in Anger. If you are upset, angry by the behaviour of child no need of getting upleasant with them or put yourself in imbalance with an another act of wrong behaviour from your side. Delay responding, return to calmness and then discuss the situation with children. This was your action and these will be the discipline and a better exchange of communication. Don’t pamper them or teach them by wrong example to cater to their bodies and harmful desires; give them inner peace and happiness. The greatest of all happiness is to be at peace with one’s immediate relations, those with whom one has to live every day in the year. When people try to handle the extremely complicated machinery of human feeling without any training, the consequent result are often disastrous.
Who is responsible for teenage behaviour :
We should not wholly blame to teenagers for getting into the difficulties in which so many of them find themselves today. We should look to their parents and the parent’s parents. First and foremost the parents themselves are frequently undisciplined and fail to set a good example a right kind of firmness when their own emotions are out of control. In addition to giving them love, parents should learn to be companions to their little ones and this relation should start at an early age. It is love that just keeps growing, no matter how impractical it may be. If parents do not cultivate a rapport with their children, there will be no parent child communication as the youngsters grow older. Children should not be over indulged with gifts. They should have to work for some of the things they want, so they will know and appreciate their value. If they do not learn at home, life will teach it to them sooner or later, perhaps under unfortunate circumstances. Children should be taught to feel a responsibility to earn and merit what they receive. In some homes children are given no duties, no responsibilities. Each should be taught a sense of responsibility and self respect as a rightful and contributing member of the family. Parents should think clearly and carefully before they lay down the law to their child and then that they say ‘No’ they must mean it. The child should not be allowed to feel that sooner or later his parents will forget what they said and he will then be able to do what he wants. Children are smarter than you may realize. The child is clever enough to know what he can get away with, it is human nature. I feel that before two persons marry and before they have children, they should be required by law to go to a school when they would learn the art of right behaviour. When one is psychologically educated, there is then potential for a happy & harmonious family life.
If we learn to respect the opinions of our dear ones, they will respect ours. He who reforms himself by holding a calm disposition, by being firm in his own principles will inspire doers to reform themselves for peaceful and meaningful living of one’s ownself, the domestic life and environment as a whole. Walk together, speak in concord, let your minds comprehend alike, let your efforts be united, let your hearts be in agreement, let your mind be in good terms, that we all may be happy. No matter how prosperous or powerful one may be, unless we understand the art of teenage behaviour we may drown in the sea of domestic difficulty. But he who knows the art of swimming across the river of life by initiating the right actions for youngsters at the right time, can withstand the buffeting of all life’s test & swim with powerful stroke of will to the shores complete of parenting contentment. There are many things which are responsible for separation between individual personality & real self such as relationship with family, friends, social environment, concept & ideas. The main causes can always be found within an individual, and if the individual is the cause of separation, it is equally the driving force for re-integration.
Today there is so much defiance in children. It is because they have never been taught that a part of life is learning to respect authority and the rights of others. In the expression of soul, qualities lie in the only ways to live peacefully. The power is within us to make ambience a paradise or a Hades. Good heavens! Why do you suppose God put parents here on earth? If he had not intended that children have the guidance of a mother and father, he would have had the parents lay eggs, so that once the children were hatched the parents could walk away and leave them to their own devices as the turtle does. God expects parents to assume the responsibility of moulding their off-springs. Couples who bring a child into this world have no right to fail him.
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