Sunny Dua
Book Title: Letting Go
Author: Amrinder Bajaj
Pages 244.
In the pages of “Letting Go,” Dr. Amrinder Bajaj pours out her soul, sharing the raw, emotional journey of caring for her husband, MS, a doctor battling cancer. Her heart aches as she faces betrayal from colleagues who turn cold, family members who drift away, and children who offer little comfort in her darkest hours. Alone, she carries the weight of a crumbling marriage, haunted by a husband who was often unkind and a fleeting affair that left her wounded. Yet, despite the pain and grudges, Dr. Bajaj clings fiercely to her duty, pouring every ounce of her strength into prolonging MS’s life.
Her story is a gut-wrenching testament to love’s complexities, where heartbreak and resilience intertwine, revealing a woman who fights not just for her husband but for her own shattered spirit. Through tears and exhaustion, Dr. Bajaj paints MS as a flawed yet brave soul, a man who, even as cancer ravages him, trudges to his clinic with quiet courage and dark humor, never faltering in his care for patients.
Her words capture the agony of watching him waste away, his stubborn habits-like leaving a mess in the bathroom-stirring both frustration and bittersweet connection. Though their 40-year marriage was marred by distance and resentment, she holds on, funding his treatments and tending to him with unwavering resolve. In the end, letting go becomes her act of love, releasing MS from suffering and herself from anger, finding peace in the small, shared moments that defined their intertwined lives.
This 244-page book comes from the pages of Dr. Bajaj’s personal diary, where she shares her emotional and challenging journey. The book shows the struggles of a wife, mother, and doctor who fights to prolong her husband’s life while facing many difficulties, including unkind doctors, distant family members, and personal pain.
The story centers on Dr. Amrinder Bajaj and her husband, referred to as MS in the book. MS is a doctor who continues to work at his clinic even as cancer weakens his body. Despite his illness, he shows strength by never complaining and even using dark humor to cope. Dr. Bajaj admires his determination but also feels hurt by his past behavior toward her. Their marriage was not always happy, and MS was often unkind, leaving her feeling unloved and unsupported. At one point, her emotional pain led her to seek comfort in another relationship, which she mentions in this book and her earlier work.
Dr. Bajaj faces many challenges while caring for MS. Some doctors, who were their colleagues, were cold and unhelpful, focusing on money rather than compassion. Hospitals, both private and public, demanded high costs for cancer treatment, adding to her stress. She also struggled to balance her work as a doctor with her caregiving duties. Her family, including her siblings and children, offered little support. Some of her children helped with money or small acts of care, but it was far less than what she needed. Even her domestic helpers were unkind, sometimes stealing or neglecting their duties, which made her life harder.
Despite these difficulties, Dr. Bajaj shows incredible strength. She continues to care for MS, ensuring he gets the best treatment possible, even though their marriage was troubled. She holds on to her responsibilities, not letting go of her duty to her husband. The book also highlights small but powerful moments, like MS’s stubborn habits, such as leaving the toilet seat dirty, which frustrated Dr. Bajaj. These details make the story feel real and human.
The book also shows the emotional toll of caregiving. Dr. Bajaj feels helpless, anxious, and depressed as she watches MS suffer. She shares honest moments of anger and sadness, not hiding the pain that cancer brings to both the patient and the caregiver. Yet, she also finds small joys, like watching a movie, shopping, visiting a Gurdwara, or spending time with her children. These moments show her will to keep living despite her struggles.
Two people stand out as her pillars of support: her sister-in-law, Amrit, and her sister, Ruby. A kind nurse also helps her through tough times, unlike her unhelpful servants. However, an ex-lover adds more complications to her already difficult life. The book includes some medical terms, like details about diagnoses, treatments, and scans, which might be hard for readers without a medical background to understand.
But Dr. Bajaj weaves these details into the story in a way that keeps readers curious about what happens to MS and how she finds her strength. Over time, Dr. Bajaj and MS develop mutual respect. They share moments of laughter and connection, and MS begins to see her as his savior. Dr. Bajaj realizes she depends on him, not for love, but for the familiar patterns of their life together after nearly 40 years of marriage.
As MS’s cancer worsens, Dr. Bajaj prepares for a future without him. She writes, “Life would be empty without him. It wasn’t a great love that I would miss but the set patterns of our lives, the little things we did as a couple.” This shows how their shared routines, even in a troubled marriage, were important to her. When MS’s suffering becomes too great, Dr. Bajaj makes the painful decision to let him go, knowing more treatment would only cause him more pain. With his passing, she also lets go of her anger, sadness, and grudges, finding a way to heal and start anew.
The final part of the book focuses on Dr. Bajaj’s journey of moving on after two and a half years of intense caregiving. She slowly rebuilds her strength and learns to live again. This story is inspiring, especially for women, as it shows how to face life’s challenges with courage, even when the world seems against you.
“Letting Go” is a powerful and honest book about love, duty, and resilience. It teaches readers about the realities of caregiving, the pain of illness, and the strength to keep going. Dr. Bajaj’s story is a reminder that even in the darkest times, small moments of hope and healing can light the way forward.
(The writer is senior journalist)
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