Ravia Gupta
Can’t believe it! Recently, someone asked me how big is your lil one now? Well, it’s the first time someone asked me such a question in the past seven months or so and I wondered what to answer and started thinking that he is big enough to sit for a while without any support, smart enough to make an attempt to crawl or roll over to reach out for his favourite toys, wants to be left alone to see his feet moving, loud enough to initiate talks when no one hears him out, intelligent enough to not to go to strangers and innocent enough to smile genuinely even without a reason and kind enough to spread happiness wherever he goes…
But then yes, this seven months old mama’s boy is too small to be left alone unattended, needs someone to change his diapers, bathe him, take him to parks, read bed time stories and then there is so much, which, I, as a mother, feel he simply can’t do without me (Nice feeling though for a few more years)!!
Someone rightly said, once a mother, always a mother. As if nine months pains were not enough, I had to struggle in the real sense for not just one life, but the two of us together. I had to act tough and deliver on a new theatre -operation theatre.
Like several others, the C-section was a traumatic experience for me too. And apart from the surgery pain, there was some more pain,which stayed for quite a loooooong time, post the operation (to be able to bear the separation of nine months and bond differently with my child now). Well, I never said motherhood could be easy!
Of course,my muscles were all weak post the operation and devoid of energy. A helpless feeling where mind and body wanted to take a long break, but heart pumped out to see the moment I heard his first cry. “Cute” is what I could say, while my eyes were half shut, and struggled to breathe normally.
The cutie, which, I kept taking care for the past nine months, for whom I was the lifeline and worked even harder and faster, took those extra deep breaths even when tired and exhausted, fought with the world around to ensure his good health and safety my way. And now that part of me is out and separated (wish if it could be inside me for some more time).
I, too, went through the new-mom-depression phase for a while, as Istruggled to feed and so wanted to feed (very first meals must and must be extremely healthy is what went on in my head)!
Hours of sitting to feed the baby right after the C-section and still the baby unsatisfied is the worst a mother could undergo.Iwondered why people wanted to go through all this to have kids. Why do they want to kill their happiness and put themselves through the crazy pregnancy and then the post delivery process?
Why do they want to completely change the lives they were leading? The sleepless nights, the constant crying, the fussy meal times, the physical exertion, the sheer absence of a social life, what for, as the kids eventually grow old and leave! Well, my heart said Just Do It! like the way my mom did it!!
Thoughts are often baseless and could be horrifying too. First few weeks post the delivery; I kept thinking why didn’t I naturally love being a mom? Why didn’t my love just overflow like the way in our Bollywood movies? Will my child hate me for not being able to fall in love with him? Does every new mom feels this way or is there something terribly wrong with me??
Thankfully, this phase didn’t last for long either and I gradually started enjoying taking care of my baby, despite the terrible hip ache which continues to guest visit me still, found some cute ways to sooth my child, put him to sleep and finally fell in love with my baby.This love of sure is unbreakable and beyond words. I, now, feel my love, which is growing as fast as my child is growing, is immensely special and we now share a beautiful crazy bond!
He has taught me what it means to become a mom. He made me learn that patience pays, hands down! He cleared all that I once I had my doubts about. Now, I understand why it is important to have children. Simply because they are worth it!
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