Dr Nutan K Resutra
It was a well furnished suite in a five star hospital. The occupants of that luxurious suite presented typical scene of a movie or serial where attendants are waiting outside an operation theater, and the doctor comes out making announcement with a grim face: “I am sorry, hum patient ko bacha nahi sakey!”
Three couples made themselves comfortable in that suite; one of the ladies going through the pages of the Cosmopolitan with a bored look while the other two tried to kill time over a pack of cards. The men were a more busy lot. Bada, the Eldest One was dictating some business instructions to his secretary on the phone; Majhla or the Middle One was making frantic e mails and whattsapp calls while as Chhotta, the Youngest was playing latest games on his mobile. Having finished with his instructions, Bada said : “Chhottey, have you contacted the newspaper people ?” Looking up from his mobile game, Chhota said, “Yes Bhai, I have already booked space in the leading newspaper that is quite famous for carrying all obituary news.” Every one present there knew that most people buy the paper so that they know who has died, when, where, and when the Uthala will happen; other news had no relevance for them. Bada smiled and said: ‘Do you remember what Babuji used to say? The job of certain persons informing of births and deaths in a locality has now been taken over by the newspaper. But then this is what is in vogue these days.’ “You are sure about the dates you have booked in the paper?” he asked. The latter said : “Bhai; starting from the day after tomorrow, the obituary will appear daily in the newspaper. The first obituary will be from our own family informing about the Cremation. And this advertisement will be in full colour. I have also asked the leading designer to prepare beautiful draft of the obituary in such a way that it catches every one’s attention. I have told him to add shlokas of Bhagvat Gita also in the obituary and that too both in Sanskrit as well as English; Hindi translation will not be there as it seems too much of a common man thing. You see, the bilingual obituaries are in fashion these days. After all, our obituary should not be less attractive and catchy than the Trivedy’s; it is the question of our family’s reputation!” And with that Chhotta gave a big grin. Every one agreed with a nod to his grin. Chhotta further added : “And Bhai, I have also arranged that every day, there will be one advertisement published in the same newspaper condoling Babuji’s death under different names so that readers feel that various persons are giving condolence messages out of their own love and regard for Babuji!!” The last sentence brought cheers on all the faces.
Even before the Eldest could speak, Majhla the middle one said emphatically: “And I have reserved the best site for the pyre at the Cremation Ground for day after tomorrow. This site is just adjacent to the point where every one can stop his car to get down and he will not have to walk much. You see, one does not like to walk with, or up to the dead body for longer distance. Last month I had attended the cremation of Sharma Ji and all those present were criticizing Sharma Ji’s family because they had to walk from the Car Parking up to the cremation site as there was no facility to alight from their cars at the main gate itself! We will not be subjected to such criticism, I assure you all. Besides, the tentwala will also put chairs with white covers along with a shamiana at a safe distance from the pyre so that people can relax and enjoy while watching the antim sanskar. I have also told him to arrange for Green tea, Masala tea and Coffee along with some snacks at the cremation site so that all those farming part of the funeral procession do not get tired during the rituals. Actually, I wanted to arrange a High Tea over there, but the tentwala has categorically told me that these days the tradition is only to have light tea and snacks. I have also instructed him that all the waiters must be properly dressed, not to forget to wear white full length gloves: after all this is a solemn occasion, you see!” When Majhla was narrating this, there was a proud smile on the face of his wife as if saying: see, how intelligent and excellent event manager is my hubby.
“That’s very good as of now;” said the Bada; “I have talked to the Private Secretaries to the Home Minister, the Sports Minister and the Minister for Industries and Commerce and they have all fixed slots of their respective Ministers to come to the Cremation Ground the day after tomorrow at the scheduled time to pay their final respect to Babuji. Do you remember that there was only one Minister, that too a Junior Minister of State on the funeral of Malhotra’s Dadaji? It became a hot topic on drinks in the Club, every one making fun of the Malhotras; his share value as well as business reputation have all gone down. When three senior ministers come to our cremation, our reputation will be enhanced a lot. The Secretaries specifically asked me if we will be punctual as the Ministers are very busy that day and they have to inaugurate a Sulabh Complex, three stores and one medicine shop after the cremation. And I tell you what, I have also fixed an appointment with the Private Secretary of the Chief Minister who has assured that on the Tenth Day Uthala, his boss will personally come at the time of Shanti Paath.” Surprised, Majhla asked: “Bhai, how did you manage it?” With a mysterious smile, Bada said, “Initially it did not seem possible; but when I told him that I have booked latest Item of Bollywood to attend the Shok Sabha, he agreed to consider my humble request!” Every one clapped: Wow; now our Shok Sabh will be a very colourful one! “But we must publicize attending of the Bollywood item to the Shanti Paath so that large number of people come to the function. You see, politicians feel happy to see large crowds. And do not forget to mention some unique Dress Code for the Shok Sabha in the velvet Invitation Card. Every one now a days is fed up seeing the same white dress. Even the guests attending Shok Sabhas do not feel comfortable as they don’t get chance to show off their expensive Designers’ Dresses;” added Bada! With lot of expectation, Chhotta asked: “Will the item girl dance also?” With an expression of ‘you -are- an- idiot’, Bada said: “Don’t be a fool; it’s a Shok Sabha and not a birthday party.” Chhota became disappointed. He knew that Bada will not arrange item girls for his Birthday Party and he will have to remain contended by dancing with the girls in his friend’s party only. “Majhley, have you decided what gift will be given along with the Invitation Card for Uthala and Shok Sabha ?” ” JiBhai ji,I have taken care of that also” said Majhla.
The wife of Eldest one said: I think we have arranged everything; let’s now ask the doctors when to break news of Babuji’s death. Just at that moment, the team of Doctors came from the Intensive Care Unit to their suite. Majhla immediately asked seriously: “Doctor Saheb, at what time did Babu Ji pass away ?” The ladies started sobbing! Bada reacted in a matter- of- fact manner: “How much time will it take to settle your dues Doctor? Please ask the Administrator to expedite the process of bill payment and grant of Nothing Outstanding Certificate. We have already arranged that it’s the Insurance Company that will settle your account directly and we have not to pay anything from our own pockets.” Chhota was more practical in his question: “When can we take the body home, Doctor?”
“Body? What body?” Utterly surprised and confused, the Head of the Team of Doctors said. Adding, the Senior Most Doctor further said: “We have come here to say that Mubarak ho, your Babuji is now out of danger and we are planning to shift him out from the ICU!!”
Everyone present in that five star suite looked crestfallen. They chorused in unison: “This is just not possible. How can he be alright?” This time, it was the turn of the Doctors to be totally shocked. Bada shouted: “With great efforts, I have been able to secure appointments of Ministers and the Chief Minister for Cremation and Uthala !” “And we have made all arrangements for newspaper advertisements, reservation of the best site for funeral pyre, as also the top Caterer of the city; not to mention the printing of cards and purchase of gifts for Shok Sabha;” the others shouted!
“No, he cannot be better; he just cannot be out of danger; his cremation will surely take place as scheduled the day after tomorrow !” Before the Doctors could understand or say anything, the loving, caring sons and the daughters- in- law; shouting at the top of their voice, ran to the Intensive Care Unit to save their reputation !!
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