Hold your tongue and …then Speak

Gauri Chhabra

There has been a lot of outrage over people at the helm of affairs not watching their tongue. And that gets them into trouble. Recently, one of the Ministers raked a controversy by drawing the analogy of ‘stoning a dog’ while commenting on the burning of Haryana Dalit children, which he corrected later on the day, albeit calling the issue “localized.” By that time, however, rival political parties had already taken enough of potshots at him.
We are not here to comment on what was right and what was wrong with the issue, but let us dive deeper and see whether there some lessons to be learnt. Speech, the primary of all our faculties needs to be used with utmost care. Even the great poet Donne had said in one of his famous poems-”For God’s sake, hold your tongue…”
Let us examine how using your speech sparingly and wisely is imperative at all levels particularly so when you are a leader. The trouble is schools taught us to get good marks in examinations, but seldom taught us the dexterity of speech. From our earliest days in the classroom we are trained to focus on enunciation, vocabulary, presence, delivery, grammar, syntax and the like. In other words, we are taught to focus on ourselves. While I don’t mean to belittle these things as they’re important to learn, it’s the more subtle elements of communication rarely taught in the classroom.
If you look for  a singular feat that serves as the common denominator in the best communicators of the world, they all have had a keen external awareness that appeals to the audience than a great and bloated ‘I’ factor. They might talk about their ideas, but they do so in a way which also speaks to your emotions and your aspirations. They realize if their message doesn’t take deep root with the audience then it likely won’t be understood, much less championed.
Here are some tips that would help you land in the hearts of your team members and all others who come in contact with you:
Lace it with a genuineness
In most cases, people just won’t open up to those they don’t trust. When people have a sense a leader is worthy of their trust they will invest time and take risks in ways they never would if their leader had a reputation built upon poor character or lack of integrity. While you can attempt to demand trust, it rarely works. Trust is best created by earning it with right acting, thinking, and decisioning. Keep in mind people will forgive many things where trust exists, but will rarely forgive anything where trust is absent.
Move from monologue to dialogue
If you think just because you ‘ve had a position in the organization. People would be forced to listen to you, you are hardly mistaken. In this world of shortening attention spans and inflating egos people love to participate and talk- they love to be heard rather than hear. So, try to make your conversations revolve around them. There is great truth in the following axiom: “people don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” Classic business theory tells leaders to stay at arm’s length. I say stay at arm’s length if you want to remain in the dark receiving only highly sanitized versions of the truth. If you don’t develop meaningful relationships with people you’ll never know what’s really on their mind until it’s too late to do anything about it.
Brevity is the soul of wit
Learn to communicate with clarity. Simple and concise is always better than complicated and confusing. Time has never been a more precious commodity than it is today. It is critical leaders learn how to cut to the chase and hit the high points – it’s also important to expect the same from others. Without understanding the value of brevity and clarity it is unlikely you’ll ever be afforded the opportunity to get to the granular level as people will tune you out long before you ever get there. Your goal is to weed out the superfluous and to make your words count.
Focus on give rather than take
The best communicators are not only skilled at learning and gathering information while communicating, they are also adept at transferring ideas, aligning expectations, inspiring action, and spreading their vision. When you truly focus on contributing more than receiving you will have accomplished the goal. Even though this may seem counter-intuitive, by intensely focusing on the other party’s wants, needs & desires, you’ll learn far more than you ever would by focusing on your agenda.
Open your mind
The rigidity of a closed mind is the single greatest limiting factor of new opportunities. A leader takes their game to a whole new level the minute they willingly seek out those who hold dissenting opinions and opposing positions with the goal not of convincing them to change their minds, but with the goal of understanding what’s on their mind. Open dialogs with those who confront you, challenge you, stretch you, and develop you. Remember that it’s not the opinion that matters, but rather the willingness to discuss it with an open mind and learn.
Shut-up and listen
Great leaders know when to dial it up, dial it down, and dial it off. Simply broadcasting your message ad nausea will not have the same result as engaging in meaningful conversation, but this assumes that you understand that the greatest form of discourse takes place within a conversation, and not a lecture or a monologue.
When you reach that point in your life where the light bulb goes off, and you begin to understand that knowledge is not gained by flapping your lips, but by removing your ear wax, you have taken the first step to becoming a skilled communicator.
Deflate ego
Ego is the worst enemy of meaningful communication. When candor is communicated with empathy & caring and not the prideful arrogance of an over inflated ego good things begin to happen. Empathetic communicators display a level of authenticity and transparency that is not present with those who choose to communicate behind the carefully crafted facade propped-up by a very fragile ego. Understanding this communication principle is what helps turn anger into respect and doubt into trust.
Do not let your ego write checks that your talent can’t cash…
Silence is more powerful than words
Communication does not only mean rhetoric. It also means the ability to understand when to be silent and read between the lines. Being a leader should not be viewed as a license to increase the volume of rhetoric. Rather astute leaders know that there is far more to be gained by surrendering the floor than by filibustering.
In this age of instant communication, everyone seems to be in such a rush to communicate what’s on their mind that they fail to realize everything to be gained from the minds of others. Keep your eyes & ears open and your mouth shut and you’ll be amazed at how your level or organizational awareness is raised.
Silences are to communication what ciphers are to figures…
Be content heavy
Develop a technical command over your subject matter. If you don’t possess subject matter expertise, few people will give you the time of day. Most successful people have little interest in listening to those individuals who cannot add value to a situation or topic, but force themselves into a conversation just to hear they speak. The fake it until you make it days have long since passed, and for most people I know fast and slick equals not credible. You’ve all heard the saying “it’s not what you say, but how you say it that matters,” and while there is surely an element of truth in that statement, I’m here to tell you that it matters very much what you say.
Good communicators address both the “what” and “how” aspects of messaging so they don’t fall prey to becoming the smooth talker who leaves people with the impression of form over substance.
Connect with ‘each one’ in the group
Leaders don’t always have the luxury of speaking to individuals in an intimate setting. Great communicators can tailor a message such that they can speak to 10 people in a conference room or hundred people in an auditorium and have them feel as if they were speaking directly to each one of them as an individual. Knowing how to work a room and establish credibility, trust, and rapport are keys to successful interactions.
Summing up
Therefore, next time you speak, hold your tongue. Think twice, speak with the ‘YOU’ in mind.
You will land in the other person’s heart.

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here