M K Bhan
Parenting job is really challenging and struggling because of the changing society where a child is exposed to wide spectrum of information, multiple distractions, options and ever growing desire for freedom under the sophisticated external influence of 21st century. Furthermore, neglecting the role of grandparents and shift in the generation gap have deeply influenced the existing family system and has made it more difficult for the young parents to keep a balance between their personal commitment and family responsibilities. Young parents are of course, masters of their respective professions but, at certain point lack the awareness of parenting. Becoming a parent is an eternal social phenomenon but what is more challenging is parenting of the child in this fast changing life-style, improved information system and expensive requirements. Children are capable to rise up against any situation and get adjusted in any environment we create for them. Parents cannot neglect their routine office duties, personal requirements and need of their children. Imbalanced life is one of the major challenges for nuclear families and the contemporary parents.
Child is a precious and unique gift from heaven’s father, comes through us upon this earth with all potential and competencies. He is born with a specific purpose and wants to live his dreams the way he likes and the way he creates. He likes freedom and wants to excel and explore all the corners of this globe created by the eternal father. Our expectation as being his father on earth is totally different under the influence of materialistic attitude. The child’s face, which otherwise should have been the treasure of beauty and laughter, is now seen with full of worries, anxieties and stress from the moment he or she takes the first breath in this world. As responsible parent, let’s find out the reason why this gifted period of childhood disappears too early in his life. Whom to blame if our children are becoming cranky, slackers and show disinterest in the existing system of teaching and learning?
Children are simple beings and get excited by little joys, serenity and simplicity of nature. They never demand any fashionable adoration or world’s most expensive gifts from anybody. It is we, the parents and adults who corrupt their minds by exposing them to materialism. It is we, who fascinate them with the unreal stories and ask them to take flight in this world without the wings. Discourage materialistic attitude and make your child a spiritually enlightened being, show him the real picture of the world, let him experience himself the wonders of sweetness and taste of bitterness.
Teach your child to be contented with what is available before him and the sense of gratitude by way of charities and helping less fortunate and underprivileged children. What brings true happiness to your child is not buying expensive and unique things for him, but what a mother gives her child by preparing things of her own. Father’s matching steps with the kid, holding his tender hand in his own hands is more valuable than the ‘walkers’ and ‘artificial gifts’. Parental love and care has no substitute in this world. Parental care, support and security help the children to grow and develop in a positive manner, keeping these sensitive relations and emotional bonds unharmed. Realize the influence of a healthy home environment on children. Children learn and follow what they observe and feel. Now, parents have to decide in time what their children should watch and observe, otherwise they will become nerve-racking, irritating and troublesome.
Everybody believes that family time should be given priority and there should not be any conflicting terms between the office work, business appointments and parenting. The reason for not maintaining and striking a right balance in life is just lack of pre-planning in regulating the work and parenting in the positive, effective and efficient way. Keep substantial time reserved for your family, better time management can definitely help us to live fully a graceful life. What your child is going to remember is not the assets and property you have created for him, but the time you have spent entirely with him. Educate your child according to his way and not the way you create for them to follow. Respect their individuality and wishes. Don’t shape them into something or someone they really are not. Don’t impose your imagination on them; don’t see dreams for your children. Teach and guide them to be self-reliant and self-sufficient and let they be the masters of their own destiny. The attitude, behavior and communication of the parents critically influence the child’s behavior more than one way.
Carelessness, lack of attention or any adverse remark made by parent for their child not only effects the home environment but also influences deeply the emotional stability and behavior of the child, making them aggressive, hostile and disturbed.
Respond to the emotional issues and constantly observe changes in the behavior of the child. It is not always that the problem be with the school or from his peer group, but may be with home and parenting. Lay down rules that are acceptable and workable in the family and clearly identifies the limitations for their children. Acknowledge, appreciate and reward your child for his good behavior, honour his bigger achievements and never underestimate him for his poor success rate.
As the world of children is a different world. He creates his own fantasies and dreams. Just your pat can make him more passionate for transforming his dreams to reality. Every child is unique, understand his sensitivity and be responsive to it. Develop open, respectful, constructive and positive relationship with your child and avoid sermonizing, intimidating and punishments. Try to help your child to be responsible and develop him in social, creative and emotional ways.
When most of the parents feel that their child is failing or falling behind others, they start competing by spending lavishly and thoughtlessly for the sake of their honour and status in society, neglecting the areas of interest, capacities and capabilities of their children. Don’t end up in a power struggle with your child in case he is not bringing results as per your expectations. Stop worrying and start solving problems. Try to understand him; don’t rebuke him for making wrong choices and bad decisions. You will yourself observe that these wrong choices and bad decisions will teach him real life experiences, make him a good decision-maker and prove turning point in his life. “Develop confidence in your child, as you are very near to his heart and very dear to him.”
The author is Director cum Principal SGGJ Model School, Sunderbani (J&K)
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